Attending a funeral is not something most of us do often, and it's not uncommon for people to feel uncertain about what to say or do. While people generally want to offer comfort, support, and show their love for the person who has passed away, navigating the social expectations of a funeral or other end-of-life ceremonies can be challenging.
Although each funeral or memorial service is unique, there are some basic guidelines that can be helpful to follow. While it's normal to feel uncomfortable, these tips can make you feel more at ease while you remember the deceased and say a final goodbye. It's also a good idea to check the obituary for any details or special requests regarding funeral attendees.
What Should I Say?
It is always appropriate to offer your condolences to the grieving family, share fond memories or stories of the deceased, and express your sympathy. Try to keep it simple and heartfelt, such as “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “They will be deeply missed.” These relatively small words can mean a lot to those suffering from a recent loss and help prevent the common issue of speaking too much and potentially offending anyone unintentionally. You may also consider offering support or help to the family during this time, depending on your relationship with them. Letting people know you are there to help them is a wonderful way to provide comfort during an emotional time.
What Should I Avoid Saying?
Be mindful of your words and try to avoid any statements that may come off as insensitive, hurtful, or rude to a grieving family. Do not ask how the person died and avoid using platitudes like “they’re in a better place” or “it was their time to go”, as these statements may cause more harm than good. Avoid making the death about yourself or being too dismissive of the situation. Making inappropriate jokes or being too casual should also be avoided. It is always a good idea to play it safe and err on the side of caution. Be respectful of the situation and those who are mourning, and offer genuine condolences and support to the bereaved.
Clothing Choices
Choosing what to wear to a funeral or memorial service will depend on the type of service being held and whether it is a formal or more casual event. For traditional funeral ceremonies in a church or at a funeral home, you generally want to dress in a more conservative manner. Typically muted and subtle colors like grays, blues, browns, and black are appropriate. One good suggestion is to dress as you would for a job interview. Avoid clothing that is brightly colored or too flashy, unless the family specifically requests cheerful bright colors.
A memorial service or celebration of life is usually a less formal event, especially if being held outdoors. While you may be able to dress a little less conservatively for these services, you should still avoid being overly casual and dress in a respectful manner, avoiding t-shirts, shorts, and flip-flops.
Also take into consideration any religious or cultural customs which might influence the clothing choices at a funeral or memorial service. The obituary may also list specific requests made by the family regarding any preferences for clothing at the event.
